Just Like A Circus

"There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe" - Britney Spears, Circus.

Well, you did it, Britney. You finally said something intelligent (with bad grammar, might I add. Ask me if you don't know why).

If you are anything like I used to be, then you frequent Boulevard St-Laurent on a weekly basis for that night of partying you've been looking forward to all week.

Let me walk you through the scenario. We get to an overrated and extremely pretentious supper club. There are 2 ways to get in:

1. an overpriced, mediocre tasting dinner
2. bottle service

Let's pick the first. We sit down and order our food. 2 tables across, 4 middle aged bald men stare and fantasize. 11:30 p.m.: the club is almost empty but the lineup outside extends for blocks. It's -10 degrees but half the girls are in short skirts and some aren't even wearing coats. The club starts filling up and I give you an ultimatum: be a spectator or be a clown.

You order a double Jonny Black and join me in the watch tower, which is really just a lonely corner near the bar. I get all deep and tell you that the world is a circus and that we are all just clowns. There are predefined clown roles in this circus and everywhere you go, you can find them. Let me point them out to you

The Cock Teasers
That group of 6 hot French girls who are having a "girls night out". They will accept every drink you offer them in exchange for a smile. But that's just it! They will provocatively dance on the table to tease the shit out of you. 2 things you are expected to keep at this point: 1) your distance and 2) "it" in your pants.

The Lipstick Lesbians
Make sure you're around to take pictures when they start making out. Even better, be the loser who pops his head in and have one of your friends take a picture. Post it from your Blackberry immediately and make sure all your friends in Kuwait see it. Speaking of Kuwait...

The Gulfies
If you're unfamiliar with the term, a Gulfie is someone who comes from countries of the Arabian Gulf (Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, UAE). If their Porsche isn't valet parked at the entrance of the club, it's back home in the Gulf surviving sandstorms. These guys will typically order a Grey Goose magnum and grab your ass. How to spot them in a crowd: look for guys with prepubescent mustaches, flashy Armani Exchange shirts and the ugliest Gucci shoes you've set eyes on.

I could go on forever, but I'm sure you get my point. So next time you're out on the boulevard, ask yourself this question: In this circus we live in, which clown role do you play?