RSVP- There's a formula for that

Facebook events. We all hate them, we all create them.

I've mastered the art of ignoring them by opting out of all kinds of notifications. But every once in a while, I'll open an event invitation and giggle at what people have written on the wall. I'm not talking about the "Hey man, we're gonna get so fucked up tonight" bullshit. I'm talking about the "Hey Bob, sorry I can't come. I'm sailing in St-Lucia for the weekend. Have fun, though!"

*Kudos to Ahmed for picking up on the humor
*My apologies to Shaun for missing his birthday and mocking his friends

Let's just take a minute here and break this down.

1. You're pathetic. You're sailing in the eastern Caribbean where you should not have signal on your BlackBerry and shouldn't be checking your Facebook. Period!
2. You're a showoff. Because if you weren't, every once in a while I'd come across something like "Sorry I can't make it, I'm upstate visiting grandma."
3. You're an asshole. Thanks for letting the event organizer and everyone on the guest list know that you'll be having a much better time than them.

Contrary to what you may think is going on here, I'm actually encouraging you to continue engaging in this behavior (Hey, it's more blogging material for me!).

And to make things easier for you, I've put together a little something I like to call The RSVP Formula for Douchebags and here's how it goes:

Hi {insert: event organizer's name}, {insert: apologetic statement} I can't make it to your {insert: event name/type}. I'll be {insert: somewhere WAAAAY cooler than where the event is taking place} doing {insert: something WAAAAY cooler than what others will be doing at the event}. But have a {insert: positive adjective} time. *optional: {insert: smiley face to project innocence and sincerity}.

So go ahead and try the formula. It's guaranteed to make your RSVP process... well... WAAAAY cooler than it needs to be.